Sad die me. D:

I'm like freakin' sadddddddddddd!  D:

No, it's not about not having a valentine's day date.  I'm just like a freakin' loner in school, at home & like anywhere I go.  It sucks so much lahhhhhh.  I miss those times when I can just hang out just for the sake of it & ACTUALLY enjoy it.  I mean my new class is great & all, everyone is so sweet & nice but I feel so out of place.  I can't find that sense of belonging & all my other friends like crazily busy with their own lifes too.  I feel so down & blue & whatever you describe sad.

Hais. 

Emo.

FML.

2011.

I'm finally back to blogging.  I can't say I'm busy for the holiday because frankly, all I did for the holidays are work & watching videos (mostly csi, watch from season 1!).

I'm officially out from jjc & starting j1 all over again at pjc.   If you asked me, sure, it does hurt to leave all my clique in jjc and not to mention the need to adapt to a new environment won't be easy at all.  I don't think I have a choice anyway, I just don't want to struggle in chinese any longer.  I tried & I still can't score.  Scoring in a lvls is a MUST so chinese is really not an option because passing is simply not sufficient to get me any place in university.

Okay, forget school for the time being. 

I haven't really shop for quite some time, friends from either secondary school and jc are all busy with stuff.  Also, falling out with some of my friends also decrease the times I go out just to shop/slack/eat.

A little wishlist for 2011:
1.  Get matte nail polish.  (Even if I don't use nail polish often.)
2.  Get good grades.  (I'm satisfied with Cs.)
3.  Go shoppingggggggg!  (I swear I didn't shop as much this holiday okay!)

Ehm, I've no idea what to add on to my wishlist already?  Usually my wishlist can go on and on and on....................  Guess I already got what I need?  But wants are unlimited.  :)

Okay back to my videos!  :)

Inspired.

Watched ' Eat Pray Love' today.  It's really hard to comprehend it but somehow it inspired me.  Not the part about god really, but the part whereby 'ruins' can lead to 'change' & of course, some other points.  In short, the movie really inspired me. 

I feel that this whole year is a complete waste of time & even till now, when it's the holidays, I feel, well, alone.  Yes, alone is the exact word.  I don't go out often, not even to shop, not really catching up with friends and simply doing things by myself  like, going to work, watching videos/movies, listening to music & playing lame facebook games.

I REALLY feel left behind, so disconnected with the world, the people around me.  Even my facebook activities are very limited.

I don't feel very me. 

However, I guess this just happens to people.  I don't think it only happens to me, probably everyone felt this way once in a while but somehow they get over it and move on with their life.  Easier said than done, really.  At this moment of my life, it's like everything & everyone moves on except me.  I'm not moving on, just stopping, in my own thoughts.  Something like those scenes played in movies.  Weird feeling but definitely true, that feeling.  I just felt like ranting for a bit, hoping that typing all these help a bit.  But blogging this doesn't really help yeah.  I just feel like i could do more to stop feeling like this but I'm not exactly sure what I should do.

A heart-to-heart talk with some friends @ starbucks/coffee bean might just do the trick.. but I can't seem to take the first step to make this happen 'cause who are my true friends anyway?  :(

Give me an answer.

What happens when we're being ostracise by society for our actions and thoughts?  What can we really do?

Does studies really matter that much? 

Why do people even come to their own conclusions and unknowingly judge people anyway?

Why is human nature so damn complicated?

So what if we're different from the rest, those deem as normal people - those who study then work for the rest of their lives?

Why is society structured in such a way that I can hardly breathe don't want to continue breathing?

Am I feeling what I'm feeling now because I'm a teenager? 







Seriously, I could use an answer.

Versus.

Warning:  I'm in a real fcuked up mood while typing this post.  (It's some complicated fcuked up situation which I can't be bothered to tell you all.)

But I feel better after ranting everything out..  I don't know why the hell things end up like that.  I faced a lot of "versus" in my life which makes me even more pissed off.


Friends that think of only fun  vs.  friends that actually care about others' feelings.

Friends forever  vs.  let me be your girlfriend for at least one day.

Damn wna see an idol, no matter what  vs.  i'm lazy to squeeze with a crowd just to see an idol.

I need cash & i'll work for it  vs.  i'm lazy to work so I'll stop spending $.

I don't mind retaining  vs.  WTF, I'll just go poly.


You see.. I have so many decisions to make in my fcukin' life & i don't really wna go about thinkin' about.  I just wna go with the flow, just let things happen naturally but yet, in the end, I still have to do some decision-making.  I don't ever regret any decisions I've made so far, I mean it's my choice what.  But now, I just don't know.. things are going so so so wrong.  Studying jc, studying a chinese subj combination might most probably be the stupidest decision I've made EVER.  Now, I'm even doubting whether I've got the right friends.  Wtf, fml.

I just want to bring back the old times, whereby friends standby me even if I give shitty tantrums, times whereby they know what NOT to do so as not to pissed me off, times whereby they're know I'm going to flipped if they don't leave me alone & even those times when they let me indulge in my emo mood.  Why in the world is this not happening again?   Yes, I'll be the most difficult friend you've to deal with.. so if you can't deal with my personality just fcukin' fcuked off from my life.

So anyway.................... the greatest decision would be:
 
Okay, tmr will be a better day, just live  vs.  *jumps off building*

Beauty overloaded.

I've never never never seen a pretty boy in my fcukin' life before.  FML.

He's so pretty ~

Total randomness.  Going to do my I&R now.  :/

It's still the same as before, these feelings.

Sometimes we don't need answers 'cause actions speaks louder than words.

Maybe I'm thinking too much again but I guess it's better to keep a distance.  No matter what I really feel, I prefer to remain status quo.  :(

I've changed.. so much.

Heys people!  Okay, there probably isn't anyone reading this blog already 'cause I didn't tell anyone about the posts I made these year, especially since I'm too busy/lazy to give proper updates of my life & more or less, facebook accounts for the happenings in my life.  Well, it's good to have a blog to myself too.  Recently, I just feel like ranting very very much.. I don't know, I just have to reflect on the changes about myself.  I know I changed & I can't really decide whether it's a good or bad thing.

One of the most MAJOR changes about me is.. Kpop, or rather korean variety shows.

For one thing, I really really hate korean language, it's sounds crude to me.  It's not very nice to listen really, when I listen to it for the first time, it sounded very much like vulgarities and I just wanted to switch the chinese voiceover, even though the chinese voiceover sucks too.  :/

I think it all started from "Hello Baby", my first time ever watching a korean variety show.  My sister sort of introduce to it to me & the baby is so damn cuteeeeeeee that I just have to go watch all the episodes!  :)

Mehhhhrongggg ~ (it means 'bleahhh' or ':p' in korean) 

:o  :o  :o

CUTENESS OVERLOAD.



I was totally addicted to that variety show & I swear I watch it for about 10 times or so.  Since SHINee is featured in that variety show, I search for other variety shows featuring them and thereafter, I kept watching more and more other korean variety shows.  I learnt more about Kpop bands and stuff related through the variety shows and even started to like korean music more than before.  Kpop is okay I guess, way better than the language itself.  In the past, I was quite reluctant to listen to Kpop, for fear the language will turn me off and only listened to a few nice ones with catchy tunes.  I know nothing about kpop bands, you could say I'm not interested.. but now, it's different.. I actually do like some Kpop boy bands. 

Almost everyday of my life, I'm watching some korean variety stuff.  Some major change huh?  Currently, I quite like U-kiss, Mblaq, Miss A & F.T.Island(uhm, SHINee is okayokay too).  *hearts* But I'm not as addicted to Kpop as some people i know & won't waste hundreds of dollars to see their concerts.  -.-

MBLAQ!  :D

Dongho from U-kiss!  :D

SHINee!

I don't have pics for the whole of U-kiss, Miss A & F.T.Island.  :(

Okay, enough about Kpop.  Another thing I felt have changed is my attitude towards going to school.  Seriously, if I'm very very late to school I'll just choose not to attend lessons that day.  You see, in the past, I'll definitely try to make it to school despite the fact that I'm very late.  They also doesn't have serious punishments of skipping school or being late, which makes me even more motivated to not just go school at all.  Afterall, who wants to face a whole lot of bitches and fcuktards when they can be slacking at their comfy beds all morning?  Seriously.. I hate school, it's a different kind of hate that is damn difficult to put into words.  Or maybe it's the influence from my classmates?  I don't know really.. :(

I have so much more changes about me, like not caring about my appearance as much, not throwing tantrums as much, not going to jp almost everyday........................ there's so much changes that I'm lazy to rant it all out anymore.

So I've changed, really..  but some things will always remain the same.

Pretty little things.

OMG FML!  D:

I've been seeing so so so many things online, I want to buy wtf!  :(  It's not like I'm broke or anything but I'm scared that once I'll start, I'll never stop!  Not to mention the risks that seems to come in a package.  *sighs*  Taiwan sprees, runway bandits, modparade, forever21,osf....................................... too much to handle.  :(  :(  :(  Oh yeah, this reminds me.. I tried ordering twice from osf but I didn't receive any invoice so idk whether I'm that unlucky to always not get the items i want from osf or osf just simply sucks.

I know I said that I don't really have the shopping mood recently, like since late July, with school stuff going on that seems to eat up all my time & energy.  But, oh well, maybe I'm back to shopping mode knowin' that I'm going to take the last exams in less than a week & then I'd be really done with J1, probably starting all over next year but who freakin' cares?  :)

I swear I'm going to go shopping in every shop-able place in sg once promo exams end.

Holiday mood.

Different moods, always.

Heys people, I figured that I'll do some blogging today, although i think the existence of this blog is like non-existent.  Ironic huh?  :)

I guess I haven't been blogging regularly and much of my posts are crappy & emoy, to summarise, most of the posts blog this year goes 'FML'.  Well, today I'll spend like 8mins blogging something not so emoy & stuff(but no promises?) 'cause I'm waiting for ceo dream, which is some lame facebook game, then I'll start on my essays.  3 to be exact, all in chinese & due tmr.  What a holiday.. :/  Hmmmmm, nbm, sort of used to it already.  Life of an arts student in jc, it's just life I guess. 

Yesterday I watched 'My name is Khan' & half of 'Dear John', it make me think about loads and loads of stuff, like conflicts, discrimination, family and much much more.  Not to mention, crying a lot at some parts.  It really makes me wonder why humans have to keep overcoming everything that goes wrong, like isn't death a much easier way out?  But then, maybe death isn't that simple.  Who ever knows what happens when death really approaches?  Maybe we'll be living in another realm far worse than being alive, now.. isn't that living hell?  Yeah, so I probably throw my sucidal thoughts aside & maybe find other ways beside death because life goes on, no matter what happens.  I admit at this phase of my life, everything pretty much sucks to the core - terrible grades, unbonded class, subjects which i dislike, ain't exactly close to family members as before.  BUT, at least I've gotten out of the mess of being love and stuff & having a few close friends is really more than emough.

Okay, so life have ups & downs.. this is totally a 'down' year, but so what?  Life goes on..

Is it me that is changing or the world is changing?

Today........................ sucks.

I really didn't mean to skip school today.  I was all prepared to get scoldings from my teachers for not doing their work, I was all prepared to do econs group work though I've this feeling that there will be no outcome.  I REALLY was prepared.  Yet, maybe it's my subconscious self telling me not to go school.  Woke up with my eye hurting, again.  :(  I slept all the way to 3pm before the stinging feeling is gone.  Yes, I didn't go to school, I didn't get a mc, I won't be able to retake my graded assignment..

But..

Marks no longer bother me 'cause I'm going to retain.

Let the rants begin.

I've been on facebook every single day without fail & seriously, what did I do with facebook?!  It's like all bullshit lame games that is just a waste of my time when I probably should get mugging due to my previous terrible terrible results.  :s  But somehow, the thought that I'll retain anyway is really stopping me from getting all my work done.  I thought I could clear some overdue assignments during this 6 days holiday but FML, I'm so wronggggggggggg.. I either watch tv or fb or go out or SLEEP.  Sleep is getting to be a serious problem in my life BUT it takes away all the pain & troubles that I don't mind NOT waking up.

Conclusion of this post, I just need to rant 'cause I'm uber bored with fb & I don't want to start on my assignments.  YAY................... not!  

Life is full of bullshit.

This term sucks.. Okay, actually this year sucks.

I'm going to make a list of suck-y things that is going through my mind, all that bullshit.  pfft.

1.  Retained?  Poly?  Promote?
2.  Where the hell did all my money go to?!  ><
3.  Unfinished econs tutorial & there's case study nxt wed, 5%!  arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!
4.  I don't like the white specs guy but I keep seeing him, I don't like this kind of fate.
5.  My friends created some love story for me when all their bgr r/s are from dramas.  Wth, they just don't know what it is like to fall in love.
6.  Note to self:  I've no time for love.
7.  I've no idea how to do my csc thesis, preparation of the 'A's but yet I'm not even sure whether I'll be able to promote.
8.  I still want to take geog very very much.  Retained & take a subj combination with geog?
9.  I'm lazy to retained or get promoted.  Can I go ITE or just go work? 
10.  I want to enjoy the last of gss BUT I'm so broke lah!

These are the top ten bullshit that is drivin' me NUTS!  D:

D:

THIS YEAR
 IS A TURNING POINT OF MY LIFE.

Screwed up life of mine.

On this very date,

I remember this date on 2007 when I'm having extravangaza, wearing that baggy orange tee, having fun & buying food to eat in the classroom.  The games were so fun tooooooooooooooo.  Yet, now in 2010, I've mother tongue a lvl oral & compared to mother tongue o lvl oral, it's just B A D....................

I want a merit.  That's all I ask for.

Oh yeah, I didn't scored higher than an E for all my common tests so far................  :(

I'm prepared to go poly next year.

COMMON TEST ALERT!

COMMON TEST STARTS TMR!  D:

Starting with econs, which is tested tmr, I flipped through the econs file.  Effort to studying right?  :/  I want to maintain a good grade for econs but with this kind of effort, I doubt I'll even pass.. :(  Eve of the start of common test yet I'm wasting my time on music videos, facebook & simply not focusing on studying.

I'm going to dieeeeeee, I'm going to dieeeeeee..

Is this just another mistake?

"Can you send me to the airport?"



Courage, where are you?

Will you still be there for me if......................?

Heys peepo.  I finally managed to get into the blogging mood.  I'm going to start off real properly, ehm, i think?  :/

I'm supposed to meet Amirah & Hilary to take bus to school as usual but I'm late.  But guess what, they were later.  -.-  We thought up of the terrific plan to be late FOR SCHOOL.  When to grab some food/drinks from the nearby convenience store.  I missed taking both buses with the interact club guy & ty..................................... but being late ain't that bad!  :D

My cll test was disasterous.  :'(  *skipskip*  Had a 30min break before civics lesson in the hall.  BORING.  D:  Some really lame talk about crime.  Haven't we all heard enough in secondary school?  :/  Seriously.............. Okay, csc next.  China studies is really interesting but when it comes to essay........  I'M A GONER!  D:  Well, for tdy, the cher didn't use the visualiser & I could barely concentrate.  You see, I'm such a visual person!  *sighs*

Went to chiong my cll homework 'cause the night before I didn't have the mood to study at all or even do any assignment/revison.  I hate chinese summaries!  AND after another 30min break, the worst part of the day begin - GP.  It's not about the subject, really.  I love english much much much much much more than chinese BUT the teacher have to go & ruin it.  I really cannot stand her at times.  What's with the mood swings, stupid are-you-stupid looks & biasedness?!  Goshhhhhh.  >:(  Next lesson was CLL & you really can feel the different atmosphere from gp lesson.  CLL lesson was like heaven BECAUSE the teacher's good!  I wrote 1 line for my essay test & she didn't scold at all & I appreciate that.  I bet all other teachers would be callin' my parents already.  :s

For the best part of tdy, NO PE!  :D  It's raining & we cannot do our 2.4 so they cancelled.  Dammmmmnnnn happy.......... at least I'm not all sweaty when I go for the tea thingy.  The tea thingy is one of the activities of my complusory cca - CLEP.  It's actually quite interesting & requires damn a lot of patience but then again, great experience!  :)

Okays, so lengthy post.  I'm proud for my effort in blogging today.......................  :)))  Shopping tmr = excited!  Ciaos~

Life sucks like REALLY, NO JOKE. But still..

I'm looking forward to june holidays even though there's still common test & school stuff gng on.  :D  I'm so excited to buy freshlook illuminate, high cut sneakers/boots & go on that schl trip - shanghaiiiiiiiiiiii ~  my first time taking a plane knowwwww.  Besides that, it's a good excuse to get $$$ from parents to go 'last min' shopping to buy 'stuff' for shanghai.  If you get what I mean alr................... ;) 

Other than that,  FML. 

It's been a long ago issue but I still have to say this.  I'VE THE SUCKIEST GROUP MEMBERS FOR PROJECT WORK & I'M GOING TO FLUNK PW(FULL STOP)

Skipped pe this week. (Y)

Heys, I haven't been blogging consistently since my jc life started.  It really sucks to the core at times but at least there are people that whine and complain about school with me.  Soooooo, maybe it ain't that bad?  :)  Well, conflicts again, like since when there have never been conflicts?  There's always this someone that we'll hate.  *sighs*  Well, although jc life sucks and stuff but my friends from poly doesn't seem to get used to the school system there too so we can whine about schl tgt.  Teehee!  Guess those going to poly could use some good luck as well.  :)

Anyway, I only can waste me time on blogging now 'cause I'm sick.  Apparantly, lethargic with on-off headaches.  I don't feel like going to the doctor.  I just want a good breakfast.  :/

I'm glad I skip school today anyway.  Lessons today are kind of boring and really, skipping pe is damn tempting.  I don't hate pe lessons, I just dread the after effects on pe - muscle cramps.  :(  Guess the only lesson that idw to miss is cll lesson 'cause the teacher is going to start on a new story & it's about fortune telling, like kind of cool.  Maybe I should request for a make up lesson?  LOL.  That's so unlike me.

Oh yeah, I still haven't got rid of my shopping habit.  I shopped like every week till I'm in debt with my parents.  But guess what, I'm going to borrow another sum of money from them to go shopping this weekend AGAIN.  FML, no?  :s